Embracing Me... Again...

Several posts ago, I alluded to the fact that I was going to get back on track with my food and exercise...

About five years ago I decided that it was time for a change. The babies weren't babies anymore.  I just just quit the most stressful job I had ever had (being an elementary school principal) and my husband and I had just recommitted to each other and to our marriage.  I was in a good place.  And I decided that I wanted ME back.   I joined Weight Watchers, started exercising regularly, and I started taking care of myself emotionally.  The result?  I lost about 40 pounds.

This is what I looked like at the beginning of that journey. (Note the defensive posture and the look of horror that the Mr. was actually taking a photo of ME!)

This is what I looked like once I'd lost the weight... (and yes, the Mr. and I had a great time on this trip to Vegas...)

Since I lost the weight, I have stayed pretty stable.  I've gone up or down a few pounds, but I've pretty much stayed at the same weight.  (Well, except for the 6 weeks that I was sick following our Puerto Vallerta trip... I got REALLY skinny then... and the winter following the Mr's surgery and my hysterectomy I got really NOT skinny.)  I kept my weight stable by watching what I ate (at least most of the time) and by running.

About a year ago, I started having problems with my back.  And the doctor said NO MORE RUNNING.  And after I got done crying about that... I decided it was probably worth it if it meant that my back would stop hurting (what I didn't realize was that it would take about 42 other things as well to make my back stop hurting, but that's another story...). 

Since then it's been a LOT harder to keep my weight in balance.  I have a trainer (and he's awesome) but I can't get there more than once a week (due to the other things that I have to do like be a mom, work full time and yes, write on this darling blog).  The Mr. was awesome and replaced my treadmill with an elliptical machine (but no matter how much I use it, it's just not the SAME as running) . I think running used to really give me a 'high' and I haven't found another cardio exercise that makes me feel the same.

Anyway, something that I recently realized is that I was 'this close' to giving up.  To just being a little heavier.  To just being at peace without having a lower percentage of body fat.  To just be a little more comfortable and wouldn't it be easier if I didn't watch what I ate and didn't have to exercise....

I felt that way for about two weeks.  And then everytime that I got dressed, everytime that I looked at myself in the mirror, I started feeling bad.  I started not liking myself very much.  I started dreading taking a shower.  And that's when I decided it was time to STOP and get back on track.

So today... I put a Weight Watcher's meeting on my calendar.  And I printed out the times that I can see my trainer and I put it my my computer so as I develop my schedule for each week I can make sure to fit in at LEAST one visit with the trainer (and wouldn't two be awesome?)  And I cleaned off the scale (Mr. had been doing a 'fix-it' project in the bathroom and had put his tools on it).  I got out my body fat/ BMI machine (yes, I have a little machine that I use to monitor this).  And finally, I watched my points.  I passed up the candy jar at work.  I drank a glass of skim milk.

Because I really do love who I am.  And I have redefined who I am to be someone who does exercise, who does eat right (most of the time) and who does EMBRACE me. 

Happy Monday everyone!
C